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A New Variant, Just Around the Corner: Senioritis

As we all are working towards ending the monstrous pandemic that has plagued the entire world for the last two years, many are forgetting the real pandemic that is arriving just around the corner.    

The senioritis virus is well-known for infecting thousands of high-school seniors every year. Peculiarly, only 12th-grade students seem to be affected. Researchers and scientists have dedicated many hours to studying the disease, which appears to have no discovered cure. According to WebMD and Urban Dictionary, symptoms include, but are not limited to:

  • laziness
  • lack of motivation
  • excessive absences in school
  • putting off assignments till the very last minute (more than usual)
  • feeling of hopelessness
  • thoughts of giving up
  • feelings of not caring if you graduate or not
  • stress
  • constantly tired feelings
  • irritable about everything
  • panicked feelings

 

Currently, under the direction of the esteemed research director Dr. Bryce Wilker, the Center for Senioritis Studies (CSS) has deduced a possible explanation for this mysterious condition: as a senior in high school, motivation to continue doing work often slows as spring break, and consequently graduation, approaches. Once the victims, seniors, determine their future plans, they figure that their current grades and school performance are almost worthless in the long run. Therefore, rather than strive for the finish line and end their secondary education strongly, they succumb to the evils of this fatal disease. 

The only thing that the remainder of the students can wish for is that the CSS can someday eradicate this pandemic once and for all. When interviewing infected seniors, almost all expressed severe symptoms in mental comprehension. Naman Jain (‘22) remarks that he “will never recover from this,” while lying in his bed. Many chronically ill people are often fighters, never admitting that they may never be healthy again. However, Naman knows that “this is a pretty good place to end my academic career.” Once graduation passes, senioritis-stricken Naman “will live out the rest of my days as a nomad on the Moon.”

Just like Naman, those affected by the senioritis virus often leave behind their high school work ethic and become disillusioned with the concept of school. If anything else to hope for, one day the world awaits a cure for this debilitating illness. Will this madness ever end? There is no way of telling.

 

Note: This article, which was supposed to have taken a week to finish, took the author almost a month to even start. Senioritis is deadly.

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