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Shrine Erected to Superintendent Behm in Great Hall

“It is the end of January. There have been no snow days, and we are desperate,” explained an anonymous member of the group responsible for the shrine that has appeared in the corner of the Great Hall this week. “This time last year we had a polar vortex and no school for an entire week. It’s just not fair.” Seniors, in particular, are agitated, hoping to maximize the number of days missed in the second semester without worrying about making them up in June.

The shrine, which began as a modest compilation of candles and pictures, has grown to include ice cubes to be flushed and spoons to be placed beneath pillows. But the shrine is not the only thing that has grown in size; its following has as well. More and more students are showing up to school clad in the snow day cult’s characteristic inside out pajamas. Even the most skeptical are converting in the hopes of bringing a snow day into existence. At this point, it seems the group is expanding the shrine in the hopes that perhaps our superintendant Behm will call a snow day out of pity.

“Mr. Behm came through for us last year and called off, like, two weeks of school. Would it hurt just to call off one, maybe even two days so that we can have some semblance of normalcy?” The group’s leader commented. “I think as Michiganders, it’s our Behm-given right to have at least one snow day by the end of January.” He would later go on to add bitterly that the 2019-2020 school year has seen more school days canceled because of power outages than inclement weather, which is “frankly absurd.”

Unfortunately, despite their best efforts, the object of their admiration has paid no mind whatsoever to their shrine. And, well, January’s waffling between above and below-freezing temperatures has not been conducive to a real snow day anyway. “It really is a cruel twist of fate,” another member related with frustration as he placed another spoon beneath one of the shrine’s many pillows. “When we do get a storm, it’s always over the weekend and clear by Monday. Or the local weather stations will throw a big fuss about some blizzard that never even happens. I mean, come on.”

The group’s leader has confirmed that they are raising money for a fund that, should matters get worse, could possibly be used to bribe Mr. Behm. Any donations can be left on the shrine for collection. 


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