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Superintendent Dan Behm Makes the Controversial Decision to Cancel School for All of March

Superintendent Dan Behm cancels school for the entire month of March in response to a second petition online.

“When it comes down to it, it’s really about my clout of Twitter,” Mr. Behm remarks, on his decision to gift students with a full month off of school.

The aforementioned petition exceeded the signature count of the first exponentially, reaching over 10,000 signatures and counting. Forest Hills’ students gathered support from around the country, citing student exhaustion and the never-ending winter as reasons for the desired cancellation.

When asked if he expected a backlash from his decision, he replied “As the great Kim Kardashian said, never change who you are. Be happy for others, and be happy for yourself if you accomplished something you are proud of.”

Mr. Behm was proud of his decision. Eastern’s parents were not. Countless scathing replies from parents flooded his feed, including one from a self-described Pinterest fanatic named Shannon.  

“This is a disgrace. My son is losing brain cells and because of you people canceling school all of the time.”

Many other parents, happy with the month off, argued that Shannon’s child’s issues were a result of “negligent parenting” and “genetic stupidity.”

While the decision was controversial among parents and teachers, students welcomed the much needed days off and were extremely grateful for the gift from the administration.

*The Turkey Vulture articles are satirical and comedic. The contents are not true. No disrespect was intended toward the mentioned parties.